Dear Seth
Happy 61st birthday
6th of October went from being a joyful day to a sad one when you died in 2014.
You will be forever forty-nine, vibrant, full of life, full of fun, full of love and kindness, full of dry humour and curiosity.
You didn’t make it to 50, I remember our calendar for 2014 the year of both our fiftieth birthdays, marked up by you with ” Oh, shit I am old!” for 6th October and for my 50th on 17th Dec “Oh shit Les you are old too !!”. I still have the calendar I always will.
I so miss you.
This year I have missed you so much more. Selfishly I have so wanted you to be there for all of my medical appointments, I wanted you to sit and hold my hand through, chemo, I wanted your face to be first face I saw when I came round from the operation, I wanted you to hold me tight through the unbearable waits to find out if the cancer had spread and I wanted to celebrate the good news that all seems ok with you … All seems ok for now at least, I know tomorrow is promised to no one.
At times, this year I felt the weight of being alone more keenly than in other years, but I have never felt lonely because I always have your love, spirit, and humour with me, guiding me, giving me security, a presence and energy that sustains me.
So today on your 61st birthday I send you my love, birthday wishes and gratitude for all the birthdays we did have together.
All the places we visited on your birthday our little holiday tradition and especially our first trip to Rome. All those memories swirl around my brain and the sound of childish wonder in your voice and the frankly crap jokes in your dulcet monotone utterances echo in my head.
Seth, I will love you with all of my heart forever, Happy Birthday.
Lesley and Seth’s cake
The blow job
