On the 14th of June 2014 Seth took his last precious breath and, in some ways, I took mine too…. The last precious breath of a life that included Seth.
His death devastated me; I was numb, traumatised, and unable to function, it was the start of a masquerade of outwardly seeming to cope with his death but inwardly crumbling at the thought of life without him. How could I continue to exist with the deep aching pain? how could I continue to breath? what was the point without Seth…? It didn’t seem like there was one.
For eight years I have relived each of the thirty-three short and heart-breaking days that took us from Seth’s diagnosis of late-stage pancreatic cancer to his death. Every year reliving the horror, the devastation, the pain, the longing of wanting to be back there with him again all those years ago… with each day etched into my mind and heart.
I normally just relive the memories within my own head, but this year I decided to share some of the moments from our journey via a series of tweets from each of those thirty-three short and heart-breaking days. It has been tough to share, to be vulnerable, to share the disappointments of the levels of care, compassion and understanding we received. It has been tough to revisit each of these days and their impact on me, they take me back to room 24, the sights, the sounds, the smells, and deep pain of Seth’s imminent death. But sharing those memoires seems to reaffirm Seth’s and my deep love which lives on beyond his death, I could not have shared Seth’s Story and created Seth’s Legacy without that deep love.
I have been truly touched by people’s responses to the tweets, people who have replied and shared their own deeply, moving, and personal experiences and there have been many offers of help to take forward Seth’s Legacy, offers of radio interviews, people asking me to share our story at educational events, lectures, and conferences.
Thank you all for every share, like and reply on Twitter and for all your support over the last 8 years.
I have experienced an outpouring of love from my Twitter followers, and I am truly grateful.
Tomorrow it will be 8 years since Seth’s death, at 9.45am on the 14th of June 2014 I could not imagine a life eight years on, I was living from minute to minute, doing the smallest thing was a herculean effort. Over time I learned to live again, not the life I wanted, not the life I yearn to go back to but a life where I can truly appreciate how lucky I was to have loved Seth, to have spent my time with him, to have learned from his wisdom and to have had the experience of supporting him through a terminal diagnosis to his last precious breath.
Seth, I will love you with all of my heart forever