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Roll back the clock 18 years and on this day Seth and I woke up in our new house, in our new bed, it was the first night we spent in our house. It was the first of over 3500 nights we spent together in the 9.5 years we were married.

The sun streamed through the window, a day full of promise, a special day my fortieth birthday…. we spent the morning preparing food for the celebration planned for the afternoon, chopping food, preparing sandwiches cooking chicken and pasta and setting the table.

Later that day we were dressed and ready to go…. as we left the house there were high winds, sheets of rain, thunder, and lightning. There was a rush from the car to the building in a vain attempt to dodge the rain.

Less than an hour later we were out again, by then the rain had stopped and the clouds had cleared

It’s been 3082 days since Seth died during those days there has been much darkness and gloom but over time there has been more days where the darkness and clouds have cleared.

Today I woke up in a cottage far away from home, 17th December is a day I can’t bear being at home without Seth as is my birthday and it is also our wedding anniversary, still so difficult after 8 years, I will stay away until Christmas has been and gone as I need to dodge the raindrops of grief that rain down at his time of year .. they are fierce, relentless and being away from our house, helps. But I know from experience that the gloom will lift and the clearer days will come again

Seth I will love you with all of my heart forever.